he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
