well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
