Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
