Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
