What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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