Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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