You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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