No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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