I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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