Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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