Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's the barista slut.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
