If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you had me at cake vodka
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
