His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
