Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
