DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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