Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
