dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
