i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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