I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
