god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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