he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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