My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
