I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
