hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
