Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
