I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
