We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
