420 ftw
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
