Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
