YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
