if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
