That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
