I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
