Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
