Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
