this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
