I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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