I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
