God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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