I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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