just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
