I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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