I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We left the knife in your bed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
