He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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