Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
