would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
