We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
