I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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