Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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