why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
