Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Holy sore nipples Batman
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
