mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
