Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
