I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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