when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I will be naked everywhere
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
